Calgary life coach advocates telling men exactly what women want
Happier and more successful relationships.
Elizabeth MacInnis, life coach and matchmaker from the company Real Connections, suggests women learn Manglish to help them achieve their ideal lifestyle. She said women come out with a greater understanding of themselves, and their goals, so when the opportunity presents itself, women are able to attain them.
“Women begin to realize they don’t want to be listening to everyone else’s love stories — they want to create their own,” MacInnis said.
Manglish, or man English, is not strictly learning to speak male, MacInnis said. It’s about understanding what women want in a relationship and then trying to communicate that with men.
It stemmed from MacInnis’ practice as a matchmaker where she constantly heard both men and women expressing their frustration at the other’s lack of communication.
“For me it was really important that a woman not sit and wait to be happy, but to create her own happy. And that is not fighting for a relationship. That is fighting for yourself. And you’ve got to know what it is about yourself before you even enter a relationship.”
Photo by: Jenica Foster Research is necessary for a woman to understand herself — which is why she has women first look at their parents or grandparent’s relationships, and notice what they liked or didn’t like about them. And it helps women to define exactly what they are looking for, MacInnis said.
Next, women must visualize how a potential man will fit into their lifestyle, and how they will complement each other’s strengths or weaknesses, she added.
Knowing and understanding how each person receives love helps women visualize, MacInnis said. A great quiz she suggests to figure this out is the five love languages; developed by Gary Chapman.
The website (5lovelanguages.com) said the different ways love can be expressed is through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.
One example the website gives is, “If when you hug your spouse and they stiffen up, and it feels like you are hugging a tree, there’s a reason.”
“Either physical touch is not their love language, or, they have a lot of resentment toward you because of your past behavior. The answer to the first is to discover their love language and begin to speak it.”
MacInnis said, “Knowing how you receive love, and how your partner receives love, allows you to express even more what it is you want.”
From there, MacInnis helps women develop relationship goals by posing the question, “What story are you going to tell?”
As for how to physically speak to men, she said, “A lot of people think, ‘How do I talk to men?’ Well, I’m not going to get you to say this, then that, and this. There are no specific words that you use.”
“It has to come from you.”
Women need to tell men in precise terms what they want, MacInnis said. Growing up “I” was always seen as a selfish word, she said, but it shouldn’t be because it truly is about what each individual wants out of the relationship.
“I need you to listen. I need you to talk. I need your input,” she suggested as ways to express what women want from a man.
This concept of expressing ourselves is the hardest part about Manglish, MacInnis said. Most women think men should just know, but she notes most men don’t know, or in their words, “get women.”
She said many men believe “one plus one equals two.”
“Physically nothing’s changed, and obviously we’re still together, so everything’s good.”
Jessica Kumar, a young woman, speculated why many people are reluctant to tell their partner exactly what they want.
“Women give hints, and it means more to us when they (men) figure it out.”
In Manglish, MacInnis also tries to make women understand the fact that they hold power in a relationship. She said, “A man can’t hold your hand unless you say okay. He can’t kiss you unless you say yes. But who do we as women give all the power to? Them.”
Manglish is about taking control of your own life, and reciprocating your needs and wants to a man, she said.
“If you know what it is, and you fight for yourself, and you gain your desires, and you know what goals you want, he’s just going to want to follow.”