Myke Macapinlac, founder of the social man project shares his thoughts on dating and relationships
Dating can be a daunting task for many people, and even more so nowadays with online websites and apps of convenience like Tinder. Dating coach Myke Macapinlac, 29, has helped over 200 people in the last six years in making sense of it all.
“My company’s promise is we give women good men,” says Macapinlac. “Through our courses and program we aspire to help men get in touch with themselves.”
Macapinlac’s clients are (on average) men in their early to mid-thirties and typically tend to have a technical job. He sees a lot of engineers and accountants that are forced to interact with more men than women, and just don’t have the time to be prowling bars looking for dates.
Macapinlac feels that the bulk of marketing in the dating industry is about sex and objectifying women. However, he believes the majority of men are looking for something more real and meaningful and he gives them the tools to help find just that through his three-part social man boot camp.
“Getting clarity and understanding who the man is, the stories he’s telling himself, the limiting beliefs he has about women, relationships and sex is the first thing we need to do,” says Macapinlac. “Depending on your upbringing and previous experiences – that’s going to affect how you see things moving forward and that can empower you or leave you disempowered.”
From there, Macapinlac says it’s important to get clarity on what it is you’re looking for. “Dating is a shared experience. So people need to figure out what they want that experience to look like before figuring out what kind of partner will fulfill that.”
Photo courtesy of Myke Macapinlac
Jesse Penner, 29, has come across many men throughout the years whom she feels could definitely benefit from a program such as this.
“It seems like so many of the single men out there are almost jaded. It’s almost as if they go into it with their guard up and are immediately looking for your flaws instead of being open to a potential match.”
From her experience, she says she feels men are very quick to just move on to the next woman because it is just so easy to just turn on your phone and see what else is available.
These are the types of issues Macapinlac’s program hopes to help men address and will hopefully allow them to find a quality relationship.
The boot camp also includes a fashion makeover, grooming, help with conversation topics and in-field training where his clients go out and learn to meet women in an authentic environment.
“I also make sure they can speak authentically and emotionally. Most men haven’t been trained to communicate emotionally,” says Macapinlac.
Macapinlac recently coached a man twice his age. At 60 and twice–divorced, his client was determined and not ready to give up on love. So he turned to the program. “Two weeks after the program, he successfully found a girlfriend which goes to show, if you put in the work, results are inevitable.”
In terms of how dating has changed over the years, Macapinlac believes traditionally women were looking for a provider but now many are making their own money so that’s not a priority.
“They’re not looking for financial security anymore; they’re looking for an emotional connection. They’re looking for men who are going to fulfill them emotionally. It’s about going back to the basics. Just having the ability to sit down and have a good conversation.”
Many people are now using apps like Tinder, Plenty of Fish and matchmaking sites to meet people. Macapinlac compares these sites to taking supplements for a healthy diet. He feels ideally a person should eat healthy, cook for themselves and eat lots of fruits and vegetables. However, if they’re too busy, then they should take supplements.
“There’s nothing wrong with supplements, but in terms of dating you can’t replace face-to-face interactions. Tinder and online dating, they’re not bad, but they’re supplements. They are not replacements for having the ability to see someone you’re interested in and have the courage to do something about it rather than just relying on what’s easy and what’s available online. People need to know how to use these tools instead of the tools using them.”
In order to adapt to the new age of dating and the accessibility technology has provided, Macapinlac recommends honesty.
“It’s just about having clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with wanting short-term casual relationships or long-term committed relationships. Decide what you’re looking for, say it and give the person the opportunity to stay or leave. Have the honesty and conviction to tell the other person what you want.”
Macapinlac has been in a similar situation as many of the people who seek his professional help. He was born on a small farm in the Philippines but raised in the Middle East. Macapinlac moved to Canada 12 years ago unable to speak English. Having spent his developing years in a Muslim country, he felt out of place and didn’t understand the Canadian culture.
After many failed attempts at dating and fitting in, in 2008 Macapinlac decided to invest in his learning and sought out a Calgary company, Kingpin Social which did what he now does. They took him out, taught him how to meet more women and become more social.
“They opened up a new horizon and perspective I had never seen before,” says Macapinlac.
When the 2008 recession hit, Macapinlac got laid off from his job and decided to follow his new passion and became an intern with the company. He spent three years traveling across Canada doing boot camps.
“So I started as a client and that’s why I’m so empathetic because I’ve been where my clients are at right now, so I can really feel where they’re coming from when they’re scared and have sweaty palms and don’t know what to say to women.”
Macapinlac’s advice for dating today, “It’s understanding your self-worth and your core values and not compromising them for anyone or anything. Become who you want to be with. We don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are.”
Macapinlac just finished writing a manuscript and has received publishing offers for his book, Magnetic Dating: How to attract women the honest way.