Women living voluntarily childfree is nothing new. However, its popularity has grown with newer generations, and young women around the world are showing off their lives; sans children and happy.
“There’s just so much I want to experience without having to worry about a little mini-me,” says Megan Parker, a Calgary-based illustrative graphic designer.
Women like Parker are using social media to open up about their decision to live childfree in an effort to destigmatize the choice of not having kids. Unfortunately, even with the efforts of millions, voluntarily childfree women are still met with criticism and backlash in multiple forms.
From being shunned by family members for their “selfishness,” to having medical procedures refused in case of regret, these actions may seem small, but repeated occurrences not only erode a woman’s bodily autonomy, but her entire sense of self.
Parker started living her childfree life at only 14 years old, after being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, a condition whose treatments can be harmful to the internal organs, particularly the reproductive system.
It wasn’t her original choice to be childfree, but Parker, who is queer-identifying, says she would probably pick this lifestyle even if her circumstances were different.
“A lot of that comes from being a queer woman, there’s so many stigmas. If I was with a woman currently, ‘Oh, well, who’s the dad?’, those kinds of things,” she says. “Regardless of who I’m with or what treatment I’m on, the no-kids route is comfy for me.”
Though she’s had plenty of support from her own social circles, Parker says she’s also had less-than-pleasant experiences after opening up about her life, and she’s tired of it.
“For judgment to be placed on anybody not wanting to give up something they love, I think society needs to chill the heck out on the ‘kid’ conversation,” Parker says.
One of the easiest ways for childfree women to maintain their lifestyle is through the use of birth control or permanent procedures. Unfortunately, some medical professionals deny them these options assuming they’ll change their minds later on.
Dr. Fiona Mattatall is an obstetrician gynecologist with nearly 20 years of experience in the field, currently working at Chrysalis Obstetrics and Gynaecology in Calgary.
Mattatall believes a woman’s rights to her body and reproductive freedom outweigh society’s childbearing expectations of them. She says she is happy to provide childfree women with the procedures they seek, whether that’s something permanent like getting their tubes tied or something reversible like an IUD.
“I am a feminist, I believe an individual should be able to control their reproduction and their own bodily autonomy,” Mattatall says. “Without these different options, it excludes people from that ability to have an autonomous life.”
In her career, Mattatall has noticed a general reluctance from childfree women to be open about their choice, and she’s worried about the long-lasting effect it could have on her patients.
“I do worry about isolation, isolation or not knowing where to turn to,” Mattatall says. “I also worry if someone does have a regret later in life and they want to express that to someone, but they can’t go back to that person because they’re worried they’ll say, ‘I told you so’.”
Mattatall believes many of the criticisms childfree women face should be reflected back at the parents voicing them.
“We’re saying the usual is a woman has a child. What is unselfish about that? Questioning those norms and pushing back can make people rethink that gut comment,” Mattatall says. “Put a mirror up and say, ‘Really, is your choice unselfish?’”
At the end of the day, childfree women are trying to do the same thing as their parental counterparts; live a happy life with no regrets.
“My life is actually super fulfilling and so much fun. I love doing things on a whim, being spontaneous and keeping things exciting,” Parker says. “Sometimes, I pity my friends with kids who can’t come out and do these things, I can’t imagine not having the opportunity to be spontaneous in my own life.”